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  • Writer's pictureAura Flights

Coping with Grief at Christmas Time

Woman in pyjamas lying on a sofa greiving with at Christmas time

Coping with grief during Christmas can be incredibly challenging. This time of year often amplifies the pain of losing someone dear, but it's important to remember that you're not alone. In this guide, we'll explore ways to manage these intense emotions and find solace amidst the sorrow.

Understanding the Five Stages of Grief

You might be familiar with the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While originally intended to describe the emotional journey of those diagnosed with a terminal illness, these stages can also resonate with those grieving a loss. However, grief is a unique and personal experience, and not everyone will go through these stages in a linear fashion.

Individual Experiences of Grieving

Someone sitting on a cozy sofa next to a Christmas tree looking pensive

Grief and bereavement differ based on personality, cultural background, and coping styles. Some may take months or years to heal, while others might find their path to recovery sooner. Remember, there’s no "right" timeframe for grieving.

Secondary Grief: The Domino Effect

Dealing with grief and loss during the holiday season can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience. While the primary loss of a loved one is undoubtedly the most profound and painful aspect of grief, it often triggers a series of secondary losses that can further complicate the healing process. These secondary losses are like a domino effect, setting off a chain reaction of emotions and changes in various aspects of our lives.

Changing Family Dynamics

When we lose a loved one, it's not just the person that we lose but also their role within the family structure. Whether it was a parent, sibling, spouse, or child, their absence can lead to a significant shift in how the family functions. Roles and responsibilities may need to be reassigned, and the dynamics that once felt familiar can be disrupted.

Acknowledging this change and allowing space for open communication within the family is essential. It's an opportunity for family members to come together, share their feelings, and find new ways to support one another.

Shift in Personal Identity

Grief can have a profound impact on our sense of self. When we lose someone close to us, we often define ourselves in relation to that person. Our identity can become intertwined with our roles as a spouse, child, sibling or parent. The loss of that role can lead to feelings of confusion and a sense of not knowing who we are anymore.

It's essential to recognise that it's okay to grieve not only the person but also the part of our identity that is tied to them. Seeking support from a therapist or counsellor can be helpful in navigating these complex emotions and rebuilding a sense of self.

Loss of Shared Routines

Many of our daily routines and traditions are shaped by the presence of our loved ones. Whether it's holiday traditions, daily rituals, or shared hobbies, these routines can be a source of comfort and connection. However, when a loved one is no longer with us, these routines can become painful reminders of their absence.

It's important to acknowledge the loss of these shared activities and rituals while also finding ways to adapt or create new ones. This can help maintain a sense of connection to the person we've lost and provide a sense of continuity in our lives.

The key is to be compassionate with yourself and those around you as you navigate these changes. Seeking support from friends, family, or a grief support group can provide a safe space to express your feelings and gain insights into coping with these secondary aspects of grief.

Seeking Support for Grief

People holding hands and supporting each other at Christmas

"No man is an island". This famous line from John Donne, writing about his own experiences of grief, reflects a truth that we are not equipped to manage feelings of profound loss on our own.

Whether it's friends, family, or mental health professionals, reaching out for support is a vital step towards healing. If you feel that you cannot cope and are struggling to look after yourself, many bereavement services are available to help you during this difficult time.

Coping Strategies for Grief

Everyone's journey through grief is unique, but there are common strategies that can help us cope:

  • Writing as Therapy: Consider writing a letter to your loved one or keeping a grief journal.

Whilst unique to you, your grief is part of a wider string of human connections. It might help to reach out to others going through a similar thing, or in fact grieving the same individual, to provide a sense of support to both parties.

Coping with Grief at Christmas and Other Significant Dates

Woman next to a Christmas tree thinking

Preparing for the recurrence of grief can be very helpful. Though it might be something you wish to push to the back of your mind, the anniversary of their death, their birthday, or other significant dates relevant to them or your relationship will conjure up many emotions. It might be a good idea to come up with a plan for these specific occasions.

On Christmas Day, for instance, it’s important to reach out to those in your family who can provide comfort or are celebrating with you on the day. You might feel an instinct to put on a brave face for others, but not talking about your loss can often make matters worse, especially when they may share your feelings.

Helping Children Understand Grief and Loss

Mother sitting next to sad looking child

Children process grief differently. Encourage them to express their feelings and provide age-appropriate explanations. Maintaining routines and providing reassurance are key to helping them feel secure.

Fundamentally, kids grieve differently

Children may switch from crying to playing intermittently or even regress in their development temporarily in reaction to the loss. Letting your child express their feelings not only validates their emotions but helps them to heal too. You might want to show them pictures of the family member or friend who has passed to help them share how they are feeling, or perhaps read them a book that explains death to further their understanding.

We are here to help

Aura Flights are a compassionate, empathetic bunch that are highly experienced in talking to a wide variety of people at various stages in the grieving process. We are person-centred in all that we do, and that applies to how we communicate with those struggling with the loss of a loved one.

If you are interested in our services, we will lend a helping hand to guide you through every step of the way, with patience and care, be that in person, on the phone, or however you wish to get in touch.



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